Season 2 Ep: 4 Relationships with Borderlines, Patterns that Begin with Emotional Dysregulation
BPD, Victimhood, & The Truth About Emotionally Abusive Relationships
“It’s not about what’s wrong with me. It’s about what’s wrong with them.” (Bailey, 2024, Sept. 13)
This episode is a deep reflection on emotional integrity, victimhood, and how those of us with BPD often struggle with relationships that mirror the trauma we grew up with. When you’ve normalized abuse from a young age, it becomes hard to tell where love ends and harm begins.
We explore how those with BPD—myself included—can fall into unhealthy romantic dynamics, sometimes as victims, sometimes as participants, and often as both.
“Borderlines often perceive themselves as helpless victims—even when their behavior may have affected or created a situation.” (Engle, 2023, p. 39)
I break down 7 types of emotionally abusive relationships that borderline individuals and their partners may find themselves in:
One partner is abusive, the other is not One begins the abuse, the other retaliates
Both partners emotionally abuse each other from the start
The roles of abuser and abused are unclear
One partner sets the other up to become abusive
Abuse stems from untreated mental illness or personality disorders
Both partners engage in emotional abuse over time
This isn’t about blame. It’s about truth, healing, and choosing to unlearn the trauma we mistook for love.
"Trust the path—that there is somebody who can hold this heart. Be tender as much as strong and embody the same love that my soul and theirs deserves." (Illi Stovall)
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